The Association of Super Smash’s Elite Sisters
by Veronica Hawthorne
Summary: Peach has gone the insane feminist route, dragging the other girls of the game along with her, against their will. The guys aren't happy about it, but it appears that there's no stopping this princess... Crack!ish, but there is a plot.
1. Chapter 1

Peach dusted off her parasol. She and the other females- that is, Zelda, Samus, Jigglypuff, and Nana- were sipping tea and discussing the novel _Living Like a Lady in a World Controlled by Men._ Peach was very fond of it, believing that it directly addressed their situation. Then again, she had written it. Toad poured all of them more herbal tea and set a plate of cookies on the pink coffee table. "Ladies," Peach said. "I believe it's time for a change."

"What kind of, uh, change, Peach?" Samus asked in her robotic voice. They were in Peach's room at the castle, which was covered in frilly pink wallpaper and flowers. Samus, in her orange suit, looked very out of place.

"The game is called Super Smash _Brothers,_" she said, sipping her tea. "When we clearly aren't men."

Zelda looked around uncomfortably. "Peach, are you saying that we should rename this game?"

"I'm saying that we should start out own club, if you will. It would give us the name we deserve."

"More like the name that's politically correct," Nana muttered, taking two cookies. "Are these shaped like Mario?" Peach ignored her and looked at Samus.

"To start, you should only be in zero-suit form, Samus, you can bring out your femininity."

"Peach, I don't think we agreed to anything…" Samus said quickly as Zelda tried not to laugh uncontrollably. "I think we're fine as it is."

"We give people the wrong impression!" Peach shrieked. "When they hear 'Super Smash Brothers', they think brothers! Guys! Men! Ruthless killing for fun!"

Zelda and Samus looked at each other. "Isn't that what the game's all about?"

"It doesn't have to be! Don't you understand? We have the power to change the entire game! We can make this much more suitable to our needs! We can so the men that they aren't in charge!" Princess Toadstool was in hysterics, bent on the fact that they were woman and the game referred to them as men.

"Boys aren't all that bad," Nana said. "Popo is nice." She and Popo wore matching parkas- she had pink, he had blue- and fought together. Without each other, they were basically useless.

"But imagine what you could do on your own, Nana! Imagine the great things you could accomplish if you didn't have Popo hanging around you all the time! In fact, everyone grab a piece of paper. Write something that you would be able to accomplish without a man in charge of you."

"No one's in charge of us, Peach," Zelda said. "We can think for ourselves, y'know."

"The men think they rule the world! Zelda, if we turned the tables, then we would be the rulers! We wouldn't have to have ruthless matches and battles! We could do as we pleased, and make them do so as well! Samus, how many times has your boyfriend made you battle with him, and you had to just because he said so?"

"PEACH! Snake is _not_ my boyfriend!" Samus yelled, taking off her helmet. "We're just friends! We like fighting each other!" She had turned the same color as the coffee table. Zelda had failed and was now uncontrollably laughing. "Zelda, don't get me started on you and Captain Falcon!"

"Ladies, get back to writing!" Peach said angrily. She was already on the backside of her paper.

Ten minutes later, the princess told everyone to stop. "Nana, tell us what you wrote."

"Um, I didn't write anything, but I drew a picture!" The girl said excitedly. She was only about four feet tall, but she stood up and faced everyone nonetheless. "See? This is a mountain with snow at the top, and at the bottom is a butterfly! I figure she's trying to climb the mountain."

Peach clasped her hands together and smiled. "It's a lovely metaphor, Nana! The men are the mountain, and we, the women, are the dainty butterfly. We have no chance of climbing up the mountain because of how tall and scary it is. That's wonderful! Samus, you're next."

"A-actually, it's just a picture… I like butterflies…" Nana said quietly, helping herself to another cookie. Samus looked at her paper.

"Right… So I wrote nothing."

"Exactly, Samus! You're so controlled by them that you don't know what you can do on your own!" Peach was ecstatic. "That's my entire point! They've brainwashed us!"

"No, Peach, I mean I didn't write anything. I can do everything I want to now any-" Samus stopped because Peach held up her white-gloved hand. "Zelda?"

"I wrote that I could finally learn to cook."

"You can't cook?" Peach asked frantically. "Oh my goodness!"

"Yeah, our head chef at Hyrule Castle is a guy; I figure it's a conspiracy against my feminine side…" She and Samus chuckled.

"You're exactly right, Zelda! It is a conspiracy! And there will be no more chuckling in this castle. Men chuckle. Women giggle."

The two ignored her.

"Where'd Jigglypuff go?" Nana asked, looking under the table. "I haven't seen her." Peach sighed, got up, and grabbed a pink pillow from off her bed. She plopped it down on the floor and it yawned. As it turned out, Jigglypuff perfectly blended in with Peach's bed.

"Jigglypuff! Have you been paying any attention?" Peach screamed. The puffball nodded. "Good. Now, as for our society, it should meet once a week. I've already picked out a name for it and made us each official badges. We're going to call it the Association of Super Smash's Elite Sisters." She held up a white poster that had the name in a swirly, pink script. "I'm hanging this at the front of the castle, that way the men will know that we're serious. I've ordered matching uniforms as well."

"Peach, doesn't the acronym for this society-" Zelda was cut off by Samus.

"Peach, you're taking this way too far!" Samus yelled. "Have you been taking something? We're perfectly fine the way we are!"

"No we're not!" Peach screamed back. "The women of this game are treated unfairly! We deserve respect! Dignity! A correct name! We're changing the way this is run, and there's nothing the men can do about it! Samus, you, Zelda, Nana and Jigglypuff are part of this society if you want to be or not!" Then there was a knock at the door.

"Uh… Princess Peach? Sorry to interrupt," the male voice said, "But Samus and Zelda said they'd team battle Falcon and me at four, and it's four-thirty… Just making sure you guys are still alive… I'm going downstairs now; don't let me bother you…" Snake could be heard stomping down the stairs. Peach looked at both of them.

"Tuesday, we'll have another meeting," she said calmly. "Don't forget your badges; they have your name on them." Samus and Zelda looked at each other nervously, grabbed their badges (which were hearts with the name of the association on their names in pink on them) and hastily left the castle to battle Snake and Captain Falcon.

"That… That was the weirdest thing I've ever been to," Samus said, putting her helmet back on. Zelda nodded.

"This is not going to be good."

_... This is so random. I'm only writing it because taking characters to the extreme is, um, fun._


	2. Chapter 2

"ADMIT IT, SAMUS!"

"NO NO NO NO NO NO NO _NO!_ THERE IS _NOTHING _GOING ON BETWEEN ME AND SNAKE!"

The heated debate showed no signs of dying down as Samus and Zelda entered the locker room. The match had been in Pokemon Stadium and ended with a tie – but Zelda couldn't help but notice some of the footage the cameras had caught. Her personal favorite was Samus on the ground with Snake on top of her; which looked exceedingly awkward. The two just stared at each other until Snake had coughed and moved and Samus got up, both of them a brilliant shade of red.

Samus then proceeded to knock Snake out.

Zelda had then decided that Samus had an enormous crush on Snake and was determined to get her to admit it. So far, it wasn't really working, because Samus was incredibly stubborn.

"Say it, Samus!" Zelda yelled as they both went to their respective lockers.

"No!" Samus' robotic voice called back. "There's nothing for me to say!"

Zelda rolled her eyes as she unlocked her locker door, then turned to Samus. "Do you _have _to be so stubborn about this whole thing? It's incredibly obvious. I just want to hear you say it. I saw how you looked at him with your longing eyes, your lips _begging _for a kiss..."

"SHUT UP!" Samus roared, her helmet now off, opening her own locker. Zelda was having too much fun to listen as she made her way over to Samus.

"Oh, come on... You _must_ think that his rugged looks are sexy, not to mention that he's _ripped._ I know how much you like him, Samus... It's _so_ obvious. Just say it. Say that you're head-over-heels for Snake."

"Oh, shit." Samus stared into her locker.

"Okay, that's not exactly what I had expected from you..." Zelda muttered, walking back to her locker.

"No, Zelda. _Look._" Zelda turned to see Samus holding the world's smallest dress. It is certainly form-fitting, with a plunging V-neck and no sleeves. There was white piping along the seams, and the bottom (which probably went only five inches below the hip) had lace peeking out.

"Oh, _what_ is_ that_?!" Zelda said, ripping open her own locker. Sure enough, the same outfit was neatly folded at the bottom of her locker. There was also a pair of two-inch white leather heels. She reached for the attached note that was on pink, frilly stationary.

_Dearest Sister Zelda,_

_I'm quite certain that you are doing well. I took the opportunity to drop this off for you – it is, of course, your new uniform for the Association of Super Smash's Elite Sisters. If the size isn't correct, you can tell me later – because we're having a meeting as soon as you and Samus arrive at my castle._

_Don't forget your make-up and hair!_

_Love, _

_Sister Peach_

_(PS – I expect you to wear this at all times.)_

Zelda looked up in shock.

"Oh, no!" She said, holding up her own dress. "We'll look like... Ladies of negotiable affection in these _things_!"

"If you mean we're gonna look like whores in this slut outfit, then I agree. She _can't_ be serious," Samus said, her voice pained.

"She can be... And she is." Zelda sighed. What on _earth_ was wrong with Peach? Was she taking the wrong type of mushroom? "Samus, we have to wear this, at least to her house."

"OH, _HELL _NO!" Samus said, utter shock across her space. "Noooo way. I am _not _wearing this trashy thing. No. No. No."

"We have to! She's already angry at us, Samus! We just have to show up wearing it, and then we can switch to whatever we want... But she might, I don't know, lock us in her room or make us arrange flowers or something!" Zelda looked at the sad excuse for a dress. They had to wear it... It wasn't worth Peach getting upset. Suddenly, a smirk spread across Zelda's face. "And... It certainly will make you noticed."

Samus looked at the dress for a moment. "Well, maybe it won't hurt for a little bit... I suppose. Let's go."

An hour later, the two were cleaned, brushed, and dressed, staring at themselves in the mirror. The dresses were painfully short, making bending over a complete impossibility. It hugged every inch of their bodies that it touched, and the plunging neckline drew a lot of attention to their chests.

"We have to do this, Samus," Zelda said warily.

"We look like whores. Like freaking _whores._" Samus turned around and looked at the back.

"But we're _not_ whores. We'll still carry ourselves in a a dignified manner. Come on, Samus." She pulled Samus out of the locker room and into the bright sun. It was pleasantly warm, and with so much skin exposed, they could certainly feel it. Samus looked around to see if anyone was there.

"Come on, Samus. Just... Don't worry about it."

"Oooh, Zelda! This is so bad! I don't _want_ to get noticed now, I want to wear some more clothes... I feel so exposed."

"Me too," Zelda muttered through gritted teeth, "But you and I have to suck it up if we want to avoid a catastrophic, Peach-sized meltdown, which last time caused an entire species of fish to go extinct. _Do you understand?_"

Samus nodded as someone said "Z-zelda?"

The two turned to see a stammering, staring Ike. He had been involved in the battle that Samus and Zelda were leaving from. "Uhum, hi... I just, um. Wow. You look nice. Yeah. I, um, should, wow. I mean, get going. So, yeah. Um. Thanks. Bye." He was a light shade of pink as he turned around and walked briskly away from them. Zelda moaned, but Samus smiled.

"Aww. He likes you. Cute."

"Keep moving," Zelda said, turning and walking towards Peach's Castle.

A few minutes later, they were sitting in Peach's room once more. It had been a few weeks since the first meeting, which had gone awry, and now they were again joined by Nana, Jigglypuff and Peach. All were in their uniforms – on Nana, it looked like a blanket, and on Jigglypuff, it looked like a cream puff in a dress. Peach's dress seemed two sizes too small.

"It's so wonderful to have you back, ladies," Peach said, taking a cookie from the plate on the coffee table. "Now, tell me.. What have you done to revive your feminine side this week?"

Zelda sighed, and Samus rested her head on her arm. Nana looked at Peach and waved her hand frantically in the air.

"Yes, Nana?" Peach said, smiling.

"Oh, oh, I... Wait... No, I forget."

"I dressed like a slut," Samus muttered under her breath.

"What, Samus?" Peach asked, whipping her head around to Samus.

"I, um, put on lipstick!" Samus said quickly. Zelda kicked her, which Samus responded to with a glare.

"Oh, wonderful! Zelda, you?"

"I, ah, decided to go on a date instead of fight," she blurted out quickly. Samus looked at her in shock.

"Nu-uh!?"

"Yes, I did, Samus, now shut up," Zelda snapped.

"With who?! When?! Why didn't you tell me-"

"... That Pokemon trainer. Tomorrow. I'm doing it to be nice, because he asked me, and I don't want him to... I don't want him to feel bad. Stop laughing, Samus!" Zelda said, punching Samus in the shoulder. "At least I have to guts to _go_ on a date with someone-"

"Oh, that brings me to our first project!" Peach said, clapping her hands excitedly. "I want all of you to go on a date before our next meeting and then tell us what it was like. No fighting involved, it has to be somewhat romantic."

The moans remained inside everyone's head.

"Oh... Kay..." Nana said, quietly. "But the only other person my age is Lucas, and Popo hates him-"

"Remember, Nana, don't run your life based on Popo. Do as _you_ please. Ooh, and those who get kisses get extra points!"

"Um, points?" Samus asked.

"Yes... Points can be used to earn jewelery, make-up... Prizes, if you want to call it that."

Everyone stared at Peach.

Zelda wanted to jump out of the window. Samus had the exact same idea.

* * *

NB : You thought it was abandoned. You thought wrong. There _is_ actually a plot to this piece of crap. Maybe I'll update sooner than next year, but my Star Trek works are more important to me right now. ;] _xo Ronnie_


End file.
